Wanna Know How to Get Dates? Don’t Ask Us

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Josie thought of this blog post title awhile ago and I have wanted to write a post on Uncouth Gourmand dating tips for an equally long time. However, there is one big problem-neither one of us are experts and both of us are failing hard in the boy category which means *finger crossed* good fortune in business.

Here is the one and only UG dating tip, it has been months since it was put in to action, and it requires some spillage. A boob popping out of the shirt? No, not that kind of spillage. This spillage requires a glass of something…my preference is red wine. Now in order for this tip to work you must be in a comfortable setting with a man. This will require you to  be in a house alone, therefore, you must have already been asked out. This tip/action was not planned but rather just born from my own uncouthness. In my case, we were watching American Idol, I was already tipsy and managed to spill my glass of wine all over my lap. This is where the genius of the tip comes in. I then proceed to ask if I can remove my pants in attempt to remove the stain. The answer from the said gentleman should be “Yes” and then, ladies, you are on the home plate and you better believe you will be covering all bases later in the night.

Unfortunately, our only tip has not recently been tested as our dating (mis)adventures have been not so promising. Sure Josie is getting sent virtually winks on Match.com and I am getting e-cards and flirts on J-date and occasional scandalous offers but we are just not biting. There are good guys out there that are writing Josie poetry. There are videos made for me, Carina, on Youtube discussing someone that wants to whack off for me on Jdate but doesn’t want to read my blog.

A couple of weeks ago we went on a trio date with a guy and we both agreed it was the best date we’d ever been on. Unfortunately, he said he was extremely intimidated and really saw no use for him in the mix as we were both having so much fun together.

What does all of this mean? We need help. We are in no position to help anyone. How do we get lucky in love? Or, in Josie’s case, how can you just get lucky?

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1 Comment

  1. Oh, I forgot to mention, it has gotten so bad that the other night when Josie dropped me off I offered her a box of Cap’N Crunch because I thought she should be going home with some man that night.


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